When Your Whole Family F&*%$ Right Off - Powered by Keenan and Keenan! (Ep. 156)

0:00 Also, I I've seen the underwhelming mug, it's not underwhelming. Oh fucking huge. Oh good. Well, it's. 20 oz. I was like, let's get a big one. I. Don't want you to ever do. Well, I want a big coffee. How big is it? It's. Huge. That's what we wanted, right? We're going to sell a mug. Get better. Enormous. Yeah. This is due to underwhelming demand, the podcast that very easily could have been called Project Hail Mary.

0:40 We just didn't think of it. Yeah, that is an excellent podcast name. Now it's taken. So and an even better movie. Yes, highly recommend. It Oh, did you see it? It's really good. I want to go see it, actually, yeah. Take your kids. Yes, you could. It might be a little, you know, over their heads, but yeah, it's great movie. Yeah, but which one's more charming and heart warming, This or that movie? Definitely that movie. Definitely the movie. Anyway, this Less than Heart Warming podcast is brought to you. Brought to you this time around by Keenan and Keenan Handyman Services.

1:21 More about them later. More about them later coming up on the podcast. I've got some headlines. Okay, it's been a while. Rachel wonders. Best birthday gift ever. I I think so, but you'll find out. Okay. That's all we get. That's all you get, and then you can decide. I feel like we're not going to agree, but. Anyway and. We'll begin forming with. A new game. A new game, OK? We love to play games around here, yeah. Sure, what foods do you not have to chew? What?

2:02 What foods do you not have to chew? Yes, and when I first heard the title of said game, I was as shocked as you were. Who? Who's playing this game? Because it was brought up during dinner the other night. Oh. By chewing. Yes, by my wonderful, beautiful, amazing wife, Ashley. OK, you're. Throwing those in as you throw her under the bus. She looks good under that. She seems to be under there a lot in the context of this show. Right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, she's just. Did you guys ever play the game? What foods do I not have to chew as we're all there chewing food? I do not play that game.

2:47 That's never occurred to me. It's. Never even been a thought in my mind, no. No. And what did the kids say? They had no response. They were too busy complaining about the food they were eating. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just dinner. Eat it. Yeah, of course. They. Didn't look the broccoli and yeah, so your. Wife plays this game. Yes, she was playing that game, chewing potatoes that evening like mashed potatoes. No, they're like the little, you know, the little tiny potatoes. Yeah. We love those just cut up. But when you get 1 you can just mush it in your mouth and apparently that's all she does. It's the foods. Think of foods you can either just mush with your tongue or swallow hole in. Her first example beyond potatoes was Kraft Dinner. You can just that can go straight down other kinds of pasta.

3:37 Soup. Sure, definitely mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes. Yeah, you. Have to chew a banana, don't you just? Mash it with. Your I don't think you would have. To chew it, you could just mush it. I guess. Yeah. What do you get? A loss, Yeah. Yes, a smoothie here. Smoothie is. That's a dream. I don't think a smoothie counts well. It used to be food. It's just. Yes, but you're you're making it into something that you don't. Have to but. That's different. That's not the game. Yeah, no, that's not the game. Blender if you have blenders involved and the game's over, Yes, the game hasn't even started. Yes, it doesn't count. I guess there's a lot. I mean, of course there's lots of food that you don't have to have to chew, but I don't I've never thought about. Does she have a problem with chewing? Nope, her teeth are fine.

4:28 Does she dislike the motion of chewing? Well, I did. Perhaps because this Apparently she's been playing this since she was a kid. I didn't know that. Like. A thing, you know, if we think of our inner monologues, I'm sure it's it's playing in her head. Yeah, I have to chew these foods for sure. Yeah. Right, Yeah. I mean, I think, I think weird things like that, but I've never thought that. And usually you don't end up saying them out loud. How many years married Foreman? How many years married? It'll be 16 this year. There you go. No, it was a trick question for me because you had to think. About that. Well done. Yeah, well, that's. I actually don't know how long I've been married either and I think. Why you get married in an even year 2010, so it's always easy to figure out.

5:11 Easy. Sure. Good. For you. A good answer, hopefully it's the correct one because I don't know but is. This the first time that you've heard her say this? Yep, you've been together for almost 20 years. Yeah, since 2007. Wow, and you've? Never seen this. Never brought that up but she's been doing it since she was a kid. Yeah, I mean, I also have a notoriously terrible memory, but I'm quite confident this time that this has never been discussed before and it's very common in her head. OK, well, because if she if she opened with do you ever, do you ever play the game, then I would assume she's never brought this forward before, even though she plays the game all the time. She's caught.

5:55 She's a constant gamer. Yeah, yeah, but so is she trying not to chew generally? I think that's what it is, yeah. I mean, I she hasn't laid down on the couch here and I haven't had my notepad out to really go through this. But I think that's my impression is that if you are, if you're thinking about that so often, then you're constant. Every food that goes into your mouth, you're constantly testing whether or not you have to chew it. Yes. Yeah. And I don't know what the purpose is. Like why don't you just chew? Chewing is kind of, to me, part of the satisfying. It's a satisfying part of eating. You know, you get to taste the food a bit longer and just, it's just a part of the whole experience, right? Yes, kind of yes, I guess so, but apparently not with all foods.

6:42 Hmm, Well isn't there something to it too? Where if you were to only have liquids, like if you only had smoothies your whole life, wouldn't your teeth start rotting and falling out? You would think lack of use. Like if you don't, you don't. If you don't use them, you lose them. Like I've actually heard even though I do have smoothies, that smoothies aren't great for you because you should be chewing your bananas or your fruits or whatever. Like it's better to chew it because I don't for I don't know why you gotta forget the reason. Why the nutrients out of your food? Yes. Violently, yes, that could be. Why it's better to chew than to blend it and drink it. Yeah, that could be why. But I'm wondering with this game that your wife apparently has been playing for a long, long time, you know, the whole potato thing she's gone through that she's had to have gone through the potatoes is one of those foods that you, you know what I mean?

7:38 Like wouldn't. This get cooked well, you probably don't need to chew it, but. Then I'm a. Little scared that she'll take too big of a piece and she might choke now, now that I know this. I don't. I experience game players do not choke, no. Right. I would think if you're if you're good at this game, you're not doing that. And it might turn into how much food can you mush at one time? Like that might be an invitation to take you take more mashed potatoes. How much can you cram to the roof of your mouth? I think that's dangerous. I think that's, I don't know, I don't love that. The informal line make sure it doesn't even touch your teeth. Now I'm a little formal line. Now I'm a little worried about it. Yeah, you create a border. I'm starting to see the merits of the game now that we. Yeah.

8:24 Well, you may have to try one day. Yeah. You guys should make one dinner that it's like a no chew dinner and it's all foods that you don't have to chew. What are you talking about? You could have potatoes, What does soup You could have, I don't know, whatever else, apple sauce. You're stacking the game. That's cheating. Yeah, but it's just like a fun. You don't have to. This is my no chew. Dinner. No, because now it's not a game. You look what you've done. You've taken a game, a fun game maybe, that Ashley enjoys playing. Yeah, yeah. And and now you're finding a way to cheat it. No, it's not. It's just an event. It's like a party here. Let's all play this game on purpose. To play anymore you've there's no game left if everything's mush.

9:09 Yeah, you mush everything. That's called the nursing home foods. Only certain, only certain foods can be mushed. And so she the game is, can these things be mushed? Well, she's figured it out because she's played at her home whole life, so you might as well just have fun with it and have it make a full dinner of no. Chew that's not having fun with it, that's that goes against the game. Yeah, that's what my nurse said. I don't. Want you to try and and not chew like a piece of steak well, that's not how to do that that's a dangerous game that. That would be something that you you can't. That's see, that's the game. But we all know that you're. Trying to destroy the game. But if you have really tender steak and you take a nice thin little sliver and you probably could mush it around and.

9:54 Actually cooked very well I've. Never. I've never heard of this game before, but now that you have brought it forward and we are discussing it, I, I, the next time I eat, that's all I'm going to be thinking about. Thinking the mashed potatoes that are going to go beside your Easter ham. Right. No, we have Turkey. Nobody likes fucking ham. Whatever. I think we're done.

10:34 This is due to underwhelming demand. It's a podcast with Dave, Rachel and Foreman and it's brought to you this time around by Keenan and Keenan Handyman Services. Yeah, they're getting ready for spring over there. So if you've got some spring projects or summer projects, maybe you want to get in line because they're already booking up springs. Here. Yeah, Jen and Johnny Keenan are are the Keenans and Johnny does all the handyman stuff, although they've had to hire a couple of new guys because they've really been growing. They could install a brand new kitchen for you, they do IKEA kitchens, they could install flooring, they could fix up your drywall, they could do anything handyman ish around your house. Even a light fixture. I've got some lights on the stairs that are way out of reach for me and my ladder, OK.

11:22 And I'm and some of the bulbs are starting to burn out and I'm thinking I have absolutely no way of getting up there, right? Maybe Johnny? 'S got a big ladder and he could help you out. I think so, because every home improvement project they do, they believe should combine safety, durability and craftsmanship. That's what you can count on, that's what you can trust with Keenan and Keenan. So they started this business when they were both on parental leave and they wanted to explore whether a handyman service was something needed in the area. And now today, Johnny. Johnny never went back to his job. Turns out. Turns out it was needed and so now they do this full time. This is their, this is their thing and they're growing.

12:04 So if you need help around the house, you can give them a call. Give them, head to their website, see what they do. Keenan Handyman services.com is their website. You can give them a call. We'll put that in the notes the show notes below or e-mail Keenan humanservices@gmail.com. They serve Elgin, the whole area really, in and around London, southwestern Ontario. So whether? It's fixing a lingering issue, refreshing a tired room, or completing a long overdue improvement. They show up ready to do the job right. No shortcuts, no guesswork. Honest people, if you need help, give them a call. This is due to underwhelming demand. The podcast it's almost Easter.

12:50 The podcast that is nutritionally better for you than peeps. I yeah, I would say so. But only slightly. We probably taste better too because peeps are disgusting. You don't even have to chew them. No, right? That's a different. That's that's we're back at that game again. I don't. Know if you would chew peeps? Like how sticky is that? I don't know. That is a good, that's a good game. Do I need to chew peeps? I mean, I would have to eat a peep to in order to play the game and I don't want to pee that. Person eating. I don't. Love peeps? No, I don't love peeps. OK, well Speaking of candy and maybe birthdays, I guess I'm wondering if this is the best birthday ever.

13:32 Is that not a good you could? Have just said but I don't love peeps but I do love birthdays OK. Come on, you know what, my brain works differently than yours. Like a peep. Does it ever? Does it? Hey. Hey. Wow, Foreman, you've been told? Yeah. Yeah, OK, so anyway, best birthday ever. Best birthday gift ever. Let's on to my thing. Fucking right off. Yeah. Not not my number one birthday. OK. Actually, that is that is the best birthday gift ever. Yeah, when your whole family fucks right off. All right. Is that the best birthday gift ever? OK, well, I guess. I was talking with my friend.

14:13 I think we're done. Is that it? No, I'm telling you that's the gift. Actually found the real answer. That is the gift, really. Yes. When your whole family fucks right off, yes. The gift that keeps on giving, all for. 24 hours. Yeah. Is that the best birthday gift ever? I don't know. You tell me. I was talking to a friend of mine who does listen to our podcast and she actually said you should talk about this. See what other people think. And you said fuck right. Off and I said that's I think that's brilliant. I think it's brilliant. Her name is Amber. Shout out because she does listen to us regularly and she just had a birthday. Happy. Birthday, Amber. Happy birthday, Amber.

14:55 And she posted on Instagram some videos of a hotel room and I and here's and there's a birthday cake in there and some gifts and wine and whatever. And I was like, oh, did you go away for your birthday? She's like, yes, I went away alone to a hotel. And I do this every year on my birthday. I go to a hotel by myself. My husband and the kids are at home. They know that I'm leaving. And actually for gifts, they give her things like, you know, face masks or spa things or a bottle of wine or stuff that she can just, you know, she's just chilling in a hotel room for 24 hours by herself.

15:38 Best birthday gift ever. Yes. Yes. No. What? No, no, I like. I like. That's amazing. Hang around in your pajamas. You can watch Netflix, drink some wine, or read a book, maybe uninterrupted. Nobody's asking for mom, like that's amazing. Yeah, but then, well, if if I wanted that, then you guys go away. I'll stay at home by myself. I don't want to go to a hotel. What I do I don't do room service. Now, why would I want to? Why would I want that? I've got a whole. Pantry right here. I got everything I need.

16:19 With grocery, who bought the groceries for your? You know, you know, I mean, if, if, if in fact being isolated and alone on your birthday is something you desire, then ask, go get a hotel room. I I don't understand that. I feel some kind of story of like when you've had as many birthdays as Mehee from Dave is coming. Not at all. I, I'm not really, I didn't consider myself a birthday person. Like my birthday would come. You got a couple of gifts. Maybe you, you know, maybe you see somebody, maybe maybe you don't and it's over with. But the older I get, the more I appreciate a birthday because, well, you never know.

17:04 Could be the last, right? Still have one? Yeah, having. A birthday is better than not having a birthday. Yes. So to spend a birthday alone like that pretty much every day I spend alone, I mean, but I'm not in the same situation that you guys perhaps are in. Your kids are younger, you have needier children, right? My my. Mine are quite needy. Yeah, my my little one. My kids really not that needy not all she is she the the one thing that she doesn't seem to need is me so. Yes, OK. It's all fine. She might like a hotel room by herself. I. Don't know she well, she does have a hotel. She has a whole room to herself and she spends most of her time in there.

17:52 I have 0 rooms to myself at home. Even the bathroom is not to myself. Hardly ever. I've either got a kid knocking on the door or the dogs in there and so I'm never alone. You said what I am. You wanted the dog you wanted. The dog. You wanted the dog. You wanted the kids. Yeah, well, I, I would like to be alone sometimes. And so I said to my friend, well, what does your husband think? Like is he, she's like, well, I think he was a little skeptical at first, like he thought I was cheating on him or something. But now he's realized I'm not obviously. And and he's fine with it. It's kind of our tradition. That's my gift every year. And, and, and then they play into it by giving, you know, things that she can use in the room, like if she had a face mask on or whatever.

18:38 So I was like, brilliant. I think it's brilliant. If my if my wife had desired that I would be a little put out by. That would you be insulted? Yes, I think so. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I'm not, you know, when I. Think Jeremy might be insulted? Like I would say to him, like I would love this, but I'm not sure Jeremy would love it. I'm not sure he would love if I did that. Yeah, I would never do that to. I would never say to my wife, hey, this year for my birthday, could you get lost right now? Like I just wouldn't say that she's but you, you see? No. OK. Like, I mean, whatever, it's the same.

19:21 She's leaving. Hey, this year for my birthday I won't be here. Right. Oh, OK, I. Kind of want to spend a day because they. Don't want to be with you, I want to be by myself. Well, I think she does. I mean, obviously she loves her family and she wants to, she is with them all the time. You know, she's a great mom and a great wife, but you know, just having some alone time to yourself is also nice. OK. That's great, does anyone else agree? Well, I've got. To I've got to know. I'm sure that there would be people that would agree, but. You would be insulted. Yeah, I I think it's quite insulting, actually. Yeah, very. I don't think it's personal. I don't think it's personal against the husband. I think it's just I want.

20:05 Time to myself, but it comes off that way. I guess so. Well, I don't know. I still love it. It's, I think there's a hotel that I love going to and they have a package then I've never done it, but I would love to and it's called the Leave Me Alone package. Clearly, there's a mark. For one person to go and you go to the hotel, they bring you pizza to your room, you get like a movie rental or something like that and you get a whole night to just stay in the room by yourself. And I was like, that's I would love that. I would love it. Clearly there's a market for it or they wouldn't have the Leave Me Alone package and I would argue that it would be probably 99% female that would want that package.

20:46 This. Seems to be and and I, you know, like I get why you would want to be, you know, not bothered on your birthday. I get that right. And that may that may be something that Dad should impart to the kids. But kids, sorry, kids, just don't get it. They don't they? Well, tomorrow's mom's special day. You have to be nice to her. You want to leave her alone. She wants some time to herself. OK, Dad. But they won't. You know they won't. They won't. They won't like. Maybe like in? The other room sometimes and I'm like, I'm having alone time, I'm reading my book or whatever and everybody's right beside me. At least within. 5 minutes, everyone's on my couch, sure. I know, and maybe that's part of the reason why maybe Dave and I don't get it quite as much because dads get plenty of alone time.

21:34 Yes, we do. We tend generally. I'm rarely well, I'm alone during the day because everyone's at school and work, but other than that I'm never alone. But you know, on one hand, this also makes me think of plenty of songs that have titles or subject matter along the lines of You're gonna miss this. Yeah. OK, fine. Yeah, fine. And also, I think it's a great birthday gift. And. Also, I had a birthday once at a hotel that I thought was I was just going to spend with Ashley and I and Rachel's there and 30 other people there. Yes, surprise, not doing what you thought you were tonight. Norman walks into the room with what I did and his daddy opens the door and he's like, oh shit, yeah, that's. Exactly right.

22:18 Comes Peter Cottontail hopping down the on his trail. Hippity Hoppity. Happy Easter Day. This is due to underwhelming Demand with Dave, Rachel and Foreman, the podcast that reminds you if your kids like the Easter Bunny, it's best not to take them shopping in the specialty meat section at Farm Boy. It's very true. I know some people like that. They had, they didn't have the whole bunnies in there, but I have seen them, yeah. You know, minus the floppy years. But you can definitely make out what kind of animal it was. Well.

23:10 You know what other day? Meat. I don't want to make out what kind of animal it was. The other day they just had they just had the legs in case that you know, they're. Big dude what? A lot of meat on them. All right, that's enough. Your hind quarters, that's enough. What? That's what. It's called. That's enough. No, thank you. OK, guess what? It's time for headlines. Great, let's get our mind off these bunnies. All Meat Edition. All Meat edition. That's right. These are actual, these are real headlines. I don't make them up, no. I don't have. To I don't need to. Lots of people have been sending us headlines for you. Oops, I just hit my.

23:52 Some of those are not real headlines. That's. Part of the problem you're cross checking now, yeah. These are actual headlines. Good, because I don't want to have to make them up. Foreman sends me headlines. Yeah, like, and he loves to send me ones from Guelph, so I like to oblige him. So we'll start with a Guelph headline. I. Mean if they're going to make themselves so available. We're here, Here we go. Guelph police warn public of abandoned raw meat found in park. Don't choose the meat. Is the meat edition. See. That's an actual headline. What does the meat look like though? I don't really care. Abandoned Bunny shaped meat. Lonely, lonely meat, yeah.

24:34 Gross. And what? Why do you have to warn? Like as if someone's going to take it home and cook it. You shouldn't have to. Warn. People about but I found. This meat in the park, you would people fire up the grill. People take the roadkill and they fire that up in the grill. Yeah, you want that, dear? Yeah, exactly. OK, let's just keep on going BC teacher disciplined after classroom dry ice explosion explosion. I love that. Headlines. Ohh, that's dangerous. Well, yes, no one by the way. No, as far as I know, no one was hurt. OK. But. That's AI want that teacher because who doesn't want sploden things? What an experiment.

25:16 What happened at school today? Stuff sploded. I'm. Bloated. Yeah, in 20 years, every kid in that class is going to be like, you know what the best day of school was? So what? Yeah. Exactly. Remember when this happened? Absolutely. Exactly. A woman who wrote a book on grief after husband's death found guilty of murdering him. That's a headline. Real headlines don't draw attention. Like you think you're diverting attention by doing that? No. That's not a headline, that's a movie. Yes, that is a movie movie. Right there, that's a movie. Yeah, premiering soon on the Roku. Channel Yeah, Real possum appears among plush toy animals in Australian airport.

25:59 Gift shop. Wow mommy, I want that one. I like that. Tell me it bit me. That's an actual headline. Are possums docile? Is that why it just got in there and? Sat No idea. Wow, OK. Opossums are Catherine O'Hara though from the robot movie Wild Robot. Oh yeah. I'm. Moving on. Sure. Bring it down last night. Honestly, that you. Know this is getting fun? University of Maryland researchers create device to track how often people fart. Headlines. Do we need that? Apparently we need to track. Apparently, I don't know, I just thought it was nothing.

26:40 Not funny about, you know, farts. Farts. I saw it's there and there's some the sub headline of that of like preliminary results show it's anywhere between like 5 and like several 100 per day per person. So it's quite a range. Oh yeah, wide range YouTube roasted for claiming he's stranded due to Iran war, only to then reveal that there are seats available in economy class but they're not stranded. What? Real. Headlines. They're too stranded yet. Oh my God. You're not stranded. This is a good one too. I like this. ICE agents keep accidentally shooting themselves.

27:21 Better them than anyone else. Yeah, they act. Yeah, they're actually. That's an actual headline. One told me how to use this gun. Yeah, exactly. I got no training. Oh, we have a new subsection of headlines. This this part of headlines, how did they do that? Here we go OK, how did they do that? Headlines. 50 year old kickboxer becomes first person in the UK to pull a £4000 car using just his testicles. Headlines Apparently not the first person in the world with the first person in the UK. Oh my God. Can this be like sub sub of like? I don't want to know. How they did that? Yes, you may.

28:03 Can you like work those out and get them to be more muscular? I don't think they have muscles, period. Can we not ask questions about this? Look just boom on. You're probably right. Do we really want to know how they get that headlines? Woman sneezes out maggots after fly larvae get crapped in her deviated septum. No. Oh. Real. Headlines. Oh, that's. Why? Oh. How does that happen? Well, exactly. Step 1. Cook the raw meat from the park. How did they do that? The park. You're. Do I have a deviated something? Wait, there's. More. There's more quadruple amputee cornhole player.

28:46 How about that? Wow, I know. Well. Quadruple amputee cornhole player accused of fatally shooting man while driving. That's an actual headline. That's also a movie right there. That's a movie. I need to see how that's happening. How did they do that? How is that happening? How did they do? That how do they drive, use a gun and play cornhole. I think you could play cornhole with your mouse. You could throw it with your mouse. Can you? Do both the other activities with your mouse. I don't know. One more deaf woman removed from Frontier flight for not listening. What?

29:27 Exactly. Headlines, guys. When I say how did they, how did they do that, I'm saying how did the flight crew do that? Yeah, yeah. Why was it a Dick? Move. Yeah, it's really not very. Terrible. Yeah. All right, off to Florida we go. It's time to go to Florida. Florida bill to ban marrying first cousins fails to pass. How? Why is that failing? Because of course it did. Why is that failing? Real headlines. Why was it already allowed? Yeah, well, it failed to pass. Florida man armed with an axe arrested after a car wash conflict. That's an actual headline. That's a new one. I mean, that is a new one.

30:08 Yeah, that is a new one. Heard that one. No, there's no alligators or being drunk or naked involved in. The Bath assault. Actually, there should have been axe headlines. Here's another axe wielding naked Florida man caught on video trying to break into home after just being released from jail. Yes. All of that tracks headlines. All of that. I do expect that in Florida. Only thing missing was the alligator. Yeah right. It was the only thing. Yeah. Florida woman accused of peeing on and destroying property valued at $3000 in multiple Airbnb. Wow. Real headlines. You just. Both yourself. Do not ask why you don't want to know why.

30:48 OK. Trust men and you. Don't want to know why. Gross, you know, but. You know, I could add it has to do with only fans, but I wouldn't, I wouldn't go, I wouldn't go there. They have bathrooms, OK. She's just claiming her territory like. A cat like mine. Dog. Yeah. Mine. That's mine now. Florida Man Florida Man Pickleball brawl well, involving up to 20 people results in paddles to the face and felony charges. Wow, I'm yes. Is it all old people in like a retirement community? I would have. Called that a pickle brawl if I was writing a brawl. A pickle. Brawl. Better headline.

31:28 That's an actual headline. Florida man walks out on bar tab, comes back the next day because of a forgotten phone charger and gets arrested. Yep, Yep. Headlines. Yeah, if you're going to dine in Dash, you cannot ever go back. Well, at least not the next day. Yeah, you know, you know. True. Give it a while. Apparently couldn't afford a new charger on Amazon so. We couldn't have worn dinner either, so. Another new subsection of headlines. This one's called What's in a Name? OK. Florida woman named Booze arrested for DUI after crashing into Taco Bell. Real headlines. Just said Florida man named Shaft Bang Adams caught hiding meth. Shaft Bang Adams caught hiding meth in his penis. That's an actual headline.

32:18 How? How are you hiding it? Doesn't matter. That's funny. Come. On what's that name again? Shaft bang boom. Chef Bang Adams. Adams. OK, chef Bang Adams. Well, he has to have a last name. He's. A complicated man. He's got meth hiding in his penis. That's. Right, you write the song for. OK. Florida man tries to smuggle thermos into jail inside his rectum. A whole thermos headlines. Remember when we played butt or bust? Yes, of course. Thermos. I did not anticipate thermos. Thermos, but honestly. That's big.

32:59 After doing that, who wants to use that thermos? I mean. Look at the shape and size of this. Thermos. There you go. All right, just a. Travel mug. To me a thermos is bigger, but that's still too big. OK, let's move on. Still too big. You know, now that you analyze the shape of this one I'm holding in my hand this style. A swell might work best anyway. Showing that here we go. Florida man prisoner facing felony charge after sneaking away from a signed jail. Work duty at Sheriff's BBQ to have sex with a woman in a porta potty. I'm not reading that again. I'm not reading it again. There's a lot. There, there's a lot.

33:40 There is a lot going on there. Just rewind. Just go back and listen to it again, OK? Porta potty isn't where I would have chosen well, but I get that it's private. We met the Chief's BBQ. We're outside, it's. Florida. Where are you gonna go? Yeah, where are? You gonna go when the mood strikes? I guess so, yeah. Any port in the storm or porta potty I guess. But it smells and it's. Grown. I wonder where they found the meat for that BBQ. You're not in the mood anymore. Rose. OK, one more Florida Man burns boat, gets rescued, then throws sea tow captain overboard, causing sea tow captain to shoot Florida Man.

34:21 What's the sea tow captain The. Guy that saved him. Oh, the tow boat. Yes. And he shot him. That's an actual headline. No the. Florida man threw him over? Never mind. That's a lot. It's funny, Rachel. Just let it. You've got to let it go. I'm just trying to wrap my brain around it. These Florida men don't make any sense to me still. Well, I can anticipate some of them. This is due to Wonderwhelming Demand, the podcast with Dave, Rachel and Foreman, brought to you of course by Keenan and Keenan Handyman Services.

35:11 If you need something done, they're the ones. They're the ones, they're the ones they can help you around the house, inside or outside, whatever, whatever you need. So you can check the show notes for their contact contact information. There you go. And if you know somebody or you yourself would like to sponsor this fine podcast, it's easy to get a hold of us. We're all over social, social media, but of course we have our website underwhelming.ca. Everything you need is there if you just want to buy a shout out, if you want to contact us, if you want to leave a voicemail, it's all there on our website underwhelming.ca. We love hearing from you and this is when we can talk about all of your emails and voice notes and whatever. We got a message from Jan and John, who purchased an underwhelming coffee mug.

35:53 Yes, they did, which is a 20 oz mug. So I didn't want to have like a small dinky little thing, right? This is a 20 oz mug, she says. I've seen it. We received your underwhelming coffee mug. It's a great size and great quality. Thanks for having them as part of your merch from Jan and John. Yeah, I have seen that mug. Oh yeah. Because I do know Jan and John and I've seen that mug, and that's one big ass mug. Is it? Yeah, that's what I need when I have my coffee. John. So he's gonna get 1. John is the guy that's not drinking coffee because of Lent, although by the time I'm over, well, it's almost over. And I'll tell you what, if he uses that mug. He's the whole crap. Yeah, he's not sleeping for a week. That's gonna be.

36:36 Required. Yeah, I will have that much coffee in a day for sure. I'm telling you right now, there's one kick ass big mug if you want a. Big overwhelming mug You want to get the underwhelming? It's an underwhelming mug. That's overwhelming. It really is. Yeah, I want to see a picture compared to other mugs like smaller regular. Mug. Yes. OK, well. I need them to send like a comparison photo. OK, a big mug and a sea of little mugs. Regular. I'm pretty sure that if Jan stood next to the mug it would dwarf her, but I'm not. I can't positively say that. Yeah it's a big mug. Well order it and underwhelming not CA. You can also buy us a coffee, a virtual coffee as Pam bought 6 recently Same thing, Pam.

37:18 Yeah, thanks for the laugh seat we each week. But I think if you put all six coffees in that mug, there's still room for more. That's right. That's. Very true. What I need as a coffee drinker. Nobody wants a dinky little coffee mug except our former engineer Greg, who would buy the teeny tiniest coffees from Tim horton's every day. And. Was the only person disappointed when they discontinued the extra small? Yeah, he liked the he. Was disappointed. You're right. Yeah, you. Didn't want to have too much caffeine? You didn't want to get jumpy. Yeah, he's like, no, it's too much. It's more than this is too much. Well, Speaking of getting jumpy, Aaron has a message for you, Dave. Oh that starts it with if it makes you feel better about your raccoon, My dad had a raccoon follow him in the house without him knowing and it was walking around the kitchen knocking plants over and eventually climbed up the kitchen cabinets and was looking down at him when he found it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

38:16 I'd run out of the house. Right, another time. Now this is a different there's two. Raccoon Stories. Another time my brother was house sitting when they were gone and he forgot to shut the front door so a raccoon walked in the house and got upstairs to the bathroom and it was climbing the window trying to get out when they got home from vacation and my mom walked into the bathroom getting ready for bed. Oh no. Oh my God. Well. How did they get them out? They just opened the window on the screen and I. Hope so. I don't know, I hope it was that easy. Let them in. Never. Let doors close. Yes, well, that's that's good advice, you know, because your kids probably leave doors open, don't they? Wow.

39:00 Well, yes, they do actually. And the neighbor kids come over and they all leave it open. Yeah, well, and I'm like, girls, everybody. So what have you? Now you can tell them we don't want raccoons. We don't want raccoons, Yeah. Exactly. OK, we were talking about sleepwalking last episode and Debbie has sent us an e-mail about sleepwalking. I was a sleepwalker when I was a kid and I have two stories about it which Foreman may or may not want to hear if his daughter is sleepwalking. My sister, who's four years older than me, told me once she was having a slumber party in the living room and they saw me walk back into the house. They didn't see me leave, but they saw me come back in and then my dad caught me once hanging out of the bathroom window. Not sure how far out.

39:43 Both of these events occurred in the same house where we lived when I was 6 to 10 years old. Not sure exactly how old I was, but obviously pretty young. Thankfully I survived and I don't sleepwalk anymore. Wow. I think I think a lot of kids sleepwalk because I did and my my kids do. Well, Julia does. Well, I hope I never do. I don't want to be. Not as, not as an old person. No, not now. I don't want to be hanging out a bathroom window. She also says regarding the gentleman that followed Ashley around the grocery store asking for advice, did you ever consider he was trying to hit on her? I've heard that the grocery store is a great place to meet people by striking up a conversation about produce or whatever, and that's what I think what was was happening.

40:26 Obviously he struck out, though. Yeah. I mean, I mean, look at her. Of course anyone's going to be trying to hit on her. I mean, she's lazy. She's beautiful. Yeah. They just don't know that she mushes up all her. Food well done, yes? Tries not to chew. Until she tells them about her game, they're right in. Years later, yeah, but by then she's got him. Yeah, she's got him.